Reflections from Maputo

I am learning so much. Some days it feels like more learning than I’ve done in years. I am unbelievably, abundantly grateful to be living in Mozambique. I am having the experience of a lifetime and God is refining me everyday. So many thoughts go through my head each day – dreams, hopes, aspirations for myself and others, questions as to why and sometimes I don’t know what to do with all this clutter in my mind. In an effort to do something with the thoughts that ebb and flow I am beginning to write them down. I thought they might be interesting for you to ponder as well. It’s nothing “finished” or deeply philosophical, instead it is the overflow of my heart and head as a mom in Mozambique. So look for these ponderings from time to time.

More than one need

Where I live there is constant need. Real need. Need that makes me sick to my stomach some days. Need that defines the “wrongness” of life. People who live at a level that I cannot even pretend to understand. As a result of living in this environment I often find myself questioning my responsibility here. Inevitably the questions and answers always lead back to generosity and giving. I had a conversation with my friend Rebecca the other day. What did we discuss? Giving. The topic is so huge and there is so much to be said and I don’t pretend to be an expert. However I do know that I am learning to live in the midst of people who have greater need than I have ever had. During our time together two major questions arose. The first being what is our motivation to give? Here are some of the possible reasons we came up with; to look good to others, because we have to, because it’s the right thing to do, because we have an abundance or because we are seriously moved by the need and can’t help but give. In the course of our conversation I had to personalize these reasons and say, “why do I give?”. Do I give so I can be known around town as the generous American? Do I give out of guilt that it’s the least I can do for those around me? How many times have I given because I know I’m supposed to even though I don’t want to? Have I ever given to someone simply because I had more than I could use, consume or justify? How often do I give because I am so moved by compassion that I simply cannot walk away without giving to the person in need in front of me. To be totally honest, I give for all those reasons. I would like to think that I could aspire to always giving because I’m moved by compassion, but I don’t think even the best of intentions could get me to that place. I think it must be a balance that I should aspire to. Just like everything else in life. The second question was to whom do we give? Since the requests come from all different people in all different walks of life how do I choose? Do I give to everyone or no one? Do I give only to people with whom I have a relationship or do I give to strangers too? And when I give is it ok to expect a “justification” for the need and an explanation for how the gift will be used? Since I am currently living on the charity of many friends and family these questions were especially poignant. The conclusion I came to was that when I give a gift it must be without strings. If I choose to meet a need in this environment I shouldn’t expect accountability from the recipient or the gift has come with strings. And when I demand a justification for the need often I am only further humiliating the asker, which is not what I want to do.

When we first moved here, many people gave us their opinions on how to handle the answers to those questions. However I have come to the conclusion that there are no concrete and unwavering absolutes. You see I think giving is supposed to come from the heart and not the head. Not that we should give ignorantly, but that our desire to give should arise from a heart like Jesus, not a mindset that says we have to give. Sometimes it’s not even about what we give, but what we give up in order to give it.

In the New Testament in the beginning of Mark Jesus announces that His purpose for being on earth is to preach the good news to all people. However, following this statement He goes off and heals the sick and casts out demons. At Bible study we sat around discussing why that happens. Does Jesus deviate from His “task” because He chooses to or because He can’t escape the need? Why would he be so clearly distracted by what was going on around him? Is there another lesson to be learned from his example of giving (of himself and his power) to those around him? After much discussion and many opinions we came back to the chapter and began to read again. In verse 37 of chapter 1 the disciples come to Jesus and say, “everyone is looking for you!” Jesus seems unaffected by the “needy people waiting” and calmly announces that it’s time to move on. He has come to preach and tells the disciples it’s time to go somewhere else and do that. Yet soon after He makes this proclamation, a leper approaches him and begs, “If you are willing, I know you are able to make me clean.” And do you know what comes next? Three words … FILLED WITH COMPASSION Jesus responds, “I am willing, be clean!” He purposely and obviously deviates from his task at hand (preaching the good news) in order to fulfill a need.

I guess the conclusion I’ve come to is that this is the model I want to use when I consider giving to those in need. To give because I have followed Jesus’ example and allowed my heart to be moved. To deviate from my task at hand and allow myself to be sidetracked in order to give of myself to someone who needs me. Life is raw here, needs are great and I pray that my compassion will always be abundant.